Tick!Tock!Tick!Tock!

Time continues to go on, leaving me behind...i am sooo lost, i can't even identify with time anymore. end of the years was something i look forward to every single year for as long as i can remember...my November n December went by without me taking any notice of it.

ive made promises after promises to myself that i keep on breaking, i'm lost...lost for time... we've had all kinds of holidays that passed, with me not having a clue at all...for the first time i had no plans for new year...for the first time i didnt even realise it was 31st December, for the first time, life went by like it was just any other day in my life.

i've blamed it all on so many things..but i know that there is something bothering me that i can't quite put a finger to it. there's so many things to do, yet i stare blankly at things..not digesting anything. i just do, coz i have to, coz time is running out, coz i have to prepare...my mind is somewhere else..i am distracted, i am not focused..i am...LOST!

no, not blaming it on the wedding...its only 39 days away..yes, 39 days...yet, i've no clue at all how its gonna be...i've no idea..or i dont have any glimpse of whats gna happen in 39 days...is that normal? i used to dream of the day when i tie the knot..but as the day approaches...its a HUGE blank...

i hate not knowing whats gonna happen, i hate guessing what its gna b like, i hate not having control of how things are going to turn out...i hate to think that what im used to, my norms, my routine, me coming back home to my family...is not gonna be the same after 39 days from today.

i know that i want this, i know that i wna be with you, i know that i do wna get married to u, i know that it is you, no doubt! 

but i hate knowing that things will change, most importantly...i know that i'm scared..i'm scared that i can't be your trophy wife, that i'll not know what to do..that i wont know what a wife is supposed to knw/do...that on top of everything...i'll fail miserably.

i need time...time to actually think n digest...

time to tell sasha lyna that she's ACTUALLY getting married...

that sasha lyna can no longer be the baby...

that sasha lyna is going to be someone's WIFE..

that sasha lyna can no longer be her lazy self, 

that sasha lyna has to start being punctual, 

that sasha lyna is going to have a new set of family in her life, 

that sasha lyna can no longer do things spontaneously as she pleases, 

that sasha lyna now has bigger responsibility, 

that sasha lyna might one day be responsible for another human life, 

that she is no longer 16 and thinks that she's still a school girl, 

that sasha lyna can no longer sleep in her bed alone, 

that sasha lyna has to make 2 sets of meals instead of 1, 

that sasha lyna actually has to mandi more than 1 time a day, 

that sasha lyna can no longer wear caftans to sleep, 

that sasha lyna can't just say yes to every plan that comes her way, 

that sasha lyna can't just book a flight whenever there's airasia promotion, 

that sasha lyna can't book 1 ticket but now has to book 2 tickets. 

that sasha lyna will actually have to start to listen to someone and not just herself, 

that sasha lyna will have a husband!

banyak kan bernda nk bitau sasha lyna....sasha lyna is in a daze or a phase now...she's just floating and going with the flow...succumbing to everything and just bobbing her head up n down...

let's just hope i do get the chance to wake sasha lyna up from her slumber and make her come back to reality and digest all this things!

lets just hope that i do get to her before the 39 days end :)

p/s: reading this to myself makes me more SAD... i know i'm supposed to be jumping with joy...smiling to my ears and be as merry and happy as anyone can possibly be...i'm not saying i'm not, that i'm not ecstatic bout the wedding...i'm just....*blank*

Oh wow, it has been ages since i passed here..sorry..not that ive been THAT busy, must've been pissed at the world bout one or two things that i was afraid i was gna vent it out here ;(

well, Sash's Biz is in operation! Alhamdulillah the response have been good! hopefully i can get the blog up n ready soonish..

as for me..byk sangat DRAMA da jadi smpai tak tau mana nak citer..well, a person's blog used to be a place where u can post anything you want BUT hmm..has the world changed soo much that u can even do what u want anymore.

anyhow, will try to update more stuff soon!
just not sure what to write anymore..bile motivation i.e. gedik mode da in place balik, i'll post more stuff k ;)

Syariah vs Civil = (Islam v others)?

"Hanya orang Islam layak menjadi peguam syarie manakala pihak lain perlu mematuhi peraturan seperti ditetapkan mengikut enakmen syariah di negara ini.

Menteri di Jabatan Perdana Menteri, Datuk Seri Jamil Khir Baharom, berkata perkara itu sudah termaktub dalam enakmen syariah berkenaan serta diguna pakai mahkamah syariah di seluruh negara dan sesiapa yang ingin menjadi peguam syarie perlu memeluk agama Islam terlebih dulu.

Beliau berkata, jika bukan Islam dibenar menjadi peguam syarie ia akan menimbulkan beberapa masalah terutama dalam hal yang berkaitan dengan al-Quran atau hadis."

Defensive..first reaction which is a MUST, is to be DEFENSIVE?!!

WHY?
WHY are we so protective of our religion?is it OUR religion, we tend to forget that it is His,Allah s.w.t! i for one, feels that He needs no Defenders. He needs his Vicegerents to be able to initiate His religion, make others understand of His religion and NOT be defensive against attacks (let it be by words, writing or war)...as Caliphs (khalifah) apa tugas2 kite sebagai ummat Islam?

adakah kite terlalu alpa dan lupa akan tanggungjawab yang lebih utama dan besar? adakah kita akan bertempik setiap kali org memperkatakan tentang agama Islam?mengapa approach yang kita ambil, seakan-seakan takut yang AGAMA kita, yang dah memang akan KEKAL ke akhir zaman (sprt dalam Quran) akan dimamah oleh zaman? ke manusia?

bukan kah lebih bagus n indah that other human beings (sbb gune 'human being' is knape seseorang perlu di identify based on his religion or race?(kt malaysia or zaman2 apartheid jer bnda ni berlaku!!)

baru lah ade pemahaman yang mndalam ttg agama Islam bila lagi ramai org belajar mengenainya. TAPI cara kite react macam nak smbunyikan sesuatu...

are we so afraid that people are going to find out that the system is not perfect?NOTE:THE SYSTEM (JABATAN AGAMA ISLAM DI MALAYSIA & NOT ISLAM PER SE)
if that is the case then something is flawed and when there is a flaw or lacuna or wrong then something has to be done!

or is it that we are worried when other human beings start to question about Islam and we can't answer those issues? but if that is the case, doesnt it mean, we have to ensure that we are equipt with the knowledge to answer these kind of issues!

is high time these issues be tackled with n NOT swept under the carpet! it is high time that the syariah court n the system own up and start to identify the issues! we are always proud that we are a multi-national, multi-lingual, multi-ethnic, multi-racial, multi-religion..all the multis laah...tp when it comes to understanding the issues and to identify the problems n solving it, no one is owning up to anything..

WE HAVE TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT THERE ARE OTHER BELIEFS BEING PRACTICED HERE AND THERE ARE GOING TO BE TIMES ISSUES INVOLVING CROSS-RACIAL DISPUTES AND CROSS-RELIGIOUS DISPUTES WILL ARISE, SO WHAT ARE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

it is upon us AS MUSLIMS everytime those who are clueless about the religion will often say that, it is dangerous for a person to convert to Islam because then they will lose their non-muslim family, their inheritance will die with them and so on..THESE ARE PRESSING ISSUES THAT NEEDS IMMEDIATE ATTENTION!

my two cents!

planning & IT

I stopped planning for IT. Not because I don’t feel like it, not because its not gonna happened, its just not the time yet.

I know planning is everything and it ensures that at least 80% of what u want is going to materialize but not everyone is lucky to have that kind of leisure. Its not something that everyone has. I wont say that u need to be lucky to have it. I’d just say that I don’t have it yet.

Planning n not having it the way u want it, for me hurts more. N not planning and having it happened sounds spontaneous but not all acts of spontaneity is good kan.

Hahaha,talking in riddles is good. Just makes you think about it even more.

All I can say is, He knows best and I know I have a good head on my shoulders. I’d take it personally for awhile but after that I know that it’ll just gna b as awesome as I have ever wanted or imagined it to be because the result that comes out of it, is more important than anything else in the whole wide world!

sasha NEEDS to wake up!

i need to find myself again..sometimes its good to sit down n chat with an old fren, u'd be reminded of your once life u had..a childhood fren helps as you reminisce the time you were care free and all that mattered in life was your doraemon n dragon ball comic collection!

i've become someone who gvs other ppl the chance to grab what's mine, i guess cm to thnk of it, it all started when i used the term, why bother!

i guess i forgot that i shud be bothered! sometime you just wnt to be let off the easy way that you forget that the hard way is the way uve always been!

im gonna fight for what is mine again!im gonna fight for me and i am going to matter again and i am going to be bothered!

i draw the picture of what my life is going to be and i hold the pen!

no more miss anything goes!

how i celebrated my 27th on 27th of March 2010

this goes out to all my amazing frens out there! i know i am blessed with so many ppl who care n would go an extra mile just to put a smile on my face :) (maybe also because i've been pestering for a bday party since January..hahaha)

NOTE: don't get an honest, punctual bf to brg the bday gal to the surprise party :) syg, i love u...(u didnt spoil it lah, i love u more for being you!n i was seriously surprised!)

the day started with me having to go for a meeting at legal aid..met far, murnie, fadiah, farida n all at the meeting n far said she needs to got to low yat later in the evening to but laptop for her sis.. recommended my IT hero bf to help get a good n not so pricey one.. :)

agak excited sbb my bf janji nk surprise me for my bday..n super excited cz that means i can spend time with him n we could just hang out n talk n chill..something within those lines..

he didnt wna tell me where we're going..far n ayu tanye n day..i ws excited n said he was planning this for us to spend time together n he didnt wna tell me where we were going or wad we're gna do..ooo, mysterious..

ayu called n said she tgh jalan2 kt ipoh sorang n nk g mkn sushi sorang..n the only time she's free to cm back is on the 14th..2 months after her wedding..it meant tht i didnt meet my bff for 2 mnhts...that's waaaay tooo long!n i told -u- that i only cn meet ayu after 2 mnths..that sucked!

n after meeting up lk quite late..cz he said we were gna meet lk around petang..n then jmpe pon lk near 7..so i ws sorta restless cz no clue n idea wht was in his head n he didnt want to tell me ape2..(now i know i hate NOT being able to control things!)...

then after da pusing2, i serious NO idea where he was going...(he ws getting calls n didnt want me to hear..so i knda figured something was up..)n of all the places, he ajak to minum2 at pusat bandar damansara?...ok for one, we NEVER go there n 2, there's nothing there!hhrrmmm.....ok..this MUST BE A HUGE PLAN he has..

then far called n said she's going to low yatt n that was near 8pm..n -u- said low yatt nk tutup da time tu..so i said, y not go tmrw n we cud go with her..hhrrmmm...

then off we went n still pusing2..n then we went into duta vista..i was lk seriously?..ok..

then masuk parking..then the 1st thg i saw was far's car...hahahah...i ws like OK..this is the master plan!!i didnt say anyting..n he parked next to far's car (haaaiihh, comel sgt bf ku nie..)..then ade 4 wheel drive parked in front of us n i saw sarah kambali n hubby, shahril..then i burst out laughing..

he knew smthing was up so i said, 1stly, u parked sbelah far...n 2ndly, yg baru park tu is my fren n her hubby ;D

n sar didnt see us, he ws laughing n said, xpe..i can still act surprise..

then there was a white proton saga trying to park in front of us..once, twice...three time, xleh masuk..n he said, keta putih ni pulak...n i still ws blur..then i saw HER...my BFF..HERE...in K.L!!i love you!!n we honk her n she was irritated until she saw me n -U- laughing our heads off..

then there was another car...red myvi..nak jgak squeeze in the same carpark ayu cudnt get into..IT WAS MY CUZZIE..KAKAK!!pon tak nmpak i..n we honk her too..she was annoyed until she saw me!!hehehe..

n then the BLUE SAVVY--syad!..

all got out n screamed at -u-..y didnt u blindfold her..-u- ws like y korang lmbat in the 1st place...hahaha...lawak2!!

pastu plan nk turun same2 then they said y not korang tggu kt keta dulu..dtg lmbat sket..(i thot they wud tell far, the surprise da blown...NOPE, they didnt..pndai tol kwn2 aku..hahaha..

we went back to the car -u- apologised for ruining my surprise (n u didnt!!seriously!)

i cudnt STOP smiling!!

sgt2 happy that u all wnt thru the planning n the trouble to get n cook the food!!thank u!!n i am trully happy n honoured to have amazing people in my life!n sgt2 trharu with all the effort! i had a great time (except the fact tht the BF went futsalling n then came back!tp xpe,with cnsent da kan...) n saaayyaaaang korang sume k!

FOOOOOOD WAS LOVELY!!

n the party continued till the next day!! ;)

sayang: ok ape birthday i lasted for 8 days..shows how truly blessed i am to have lovely people in my life!

PICS courtesy of ms shuey..(im thinking the I.T cum photog bf didnt brg his camera cz he was in character, kan yang?)




















THE ONLY THING THAT IS MISSING FROM THE PIC IS......-U- ;(

BUT I HAD TONS OF FUN N STILL CANT STOP SMILING....THANK YOU AGAIN...FAR, I SALUTE YOU!!HUGSSSS N KISSEESSSS...SMOOCHES!

sasha lyna

in every aspect of my life, i usually look for things that makes me happy,
i have a bad day, it brings joy for me to go back and just hang out with mahmoud and rayyan n arriana,
when i need a breather, i just swing by dayah's room and have a chat or call my besties and have a good laugh,
when i need someone to make my day, i usually call -u- or think of -u- n his antics n it'll bring a smile to my face or i let out my huge laugh n ppl start to look at me with puzzled-face,
when i need cash, i'll turn to farhana ;) or my sis n make some sob stories,
when i need solace or the best feeling;closest to heaven i'd say..is to be in the arms of my mother.

i am blessed n i thank Him for all the good things He has given me.

i'm surrounded by family n friends and loved ones, i thank You.
i have means and i have clothes to wear, i thank You.
i have a roof on top of my head, i thank You.
i have my own car, i thank You.
i have people i can turn to, i thank You.
i have a job and it pays my bills, i thank You.

i'm sorry if at times i whine,
i'm sorry if at times i want more,
i'm sorry if at times i appear to be ungrateful,
i'm sorry if at times i forget,
i'm sorry if at times i don't count my blessings,
i'm sorry that at times i ask for more.

i am blessed and i am thankful.

now for one more thing - permudahkanlah urusan kami, yaAllah dan tunjuki la kami ke jalan Mu dan jgnlah jadikan kami diantara mereka2 yang sesat dan menyesatkan.Amin.

think

i dont know whether its a bad thing or a good thing BUT i need only to talk or share with someone about my bad day or bout being mad with someone or bout my probs THEN it goes away..stored in the deepest darkest chambers, not to be thought of again...until of coz it comes back to haunt me.

i also said it before that i don't like to sit down n think bout my decisions because it will only give me second thoughts n i will retract my first decision..well it myt be impulsive but its quite a sucky feeling when u doubt your own judgments.

that's y, like ive said before, there are going to be repercussion or consequences if u start asking me to think...

well then, now its time to deal with it!

why u soo like that?

there was this one advert i overheard over the radio this morning as i was rushing off to Court. i think it was a car nyer advert...

the hubby was saying the wifey likes to hike, n she said, no, i love handbags..
n he said, but i thought u loved adventure, n she said, No, i love shoes,
n he goes further n said, i thought u love mountain biking, n she said no, i love shopping n i thought u loved shopping too.
n he said, well, hunny, i said that when were dating..
n the advert when on to say that no matter how different ur interest are, we have the right car for u (something along those lines lah!)..

like seriously...mase dating kena je agree with everything eh..sbb (ayatnyer is:mase tu belum dapat) u are not an item yet..so what happens after dah an item? da takyah wat ape2 to get ur other half nyer attention da? u find out things yang opposite of what u fell for..(i know that these are usually on unsubstantial things or issues) tp..it still feels a bit weird when u know one fact about someone then it turns out to be the other way..

cume benda nie sangat normal la eh..(baru tau!)

~ManJa~

if i go back to sasha@14 n she met me as in who i am today..she'd prolly gelak guling2 or be so disgusted as to how gedik ive become. she'd be proud that i didnt turned out an unemployed,no brainer,no life, no income loser but still i suspect she'd be a tad annoyed.

i dont know or never realised when it happened but i guess with age and experience, it rides with it. (just like ive always HAD this vision of me for the longest time, UNTIL quite recently ;) *hint* see pic below)



;D even that i tak realised when it happened so went on with it feeling HAWT n AWESOME all the time (actually now pun rase HAWT n AWESOME cume NAK LAGI CHUNNESS n LAWA) p/s:who else can claim their name to be sasha lawa? suke2 kan... hehehe

orayt so, i guess i didnt cut out to be soo MANJ when i ws younger coz there was no reason for it at that time (altho mum wud, everytime without fail, when she follows dad to send me to school, yells out my nickname so that everyone can hear..moontap, shi nonoi and the likes..n i swear i saw some juniors giggling after hearing that..n my face akan blush tak hengat!!)

but now, its become more apparent as to how MANJ i can be..i dunno why but i always KENA marah when im PMS-ing..its prolly coz when i kna marah at other times, it doesnt bother me as much cz i'll just forget bout it n wont fret BUT if its mase that time of the month, the reaction is just waaayyy too over the top!

what's the purpose of this?

ive come to realise that everytime (or most of the time) after i kna marah ngn THE boss, i'd terus pk nk tuka keje la, tuka career la etc (smlm siap register job street k)..hehehe..

but like i said kt my earlier post...mgkin its time da that i think about it..(he told me not to be stupid n have a narrow minded person nyer thoughts of changing firm every now n then..)

i should sit down n have a chat with myself n discuss where i wna be in ten years time from now!(sneak peak: I WANNA BE @ HOME AND TAKING CARE OF BRATTY SPOILT BABIES AND TRAVELLING,can?)

maybe its a SIGN n ive been ignoring it?...

it's annoying when you have people talk like they know everything and its more annoying when people WHINE bout everything..but i guess its more annoying that u think people like that are annoying but without realizing ure doing THE EXACT annoying thing!shheeesh!

ive always thought i was strong, strong enough to go thru anythg..but mostly the feeling comes from reassurance. reassurance from people who're close to me, who observe me and tell me that im ALL that. deep inside, out of the exterior side of me, there was always doubt. doubt that im NOT all that! doubt that i'm merely comfortable.doubt that i'm merely spare change and not IT.

i need drive and i need motivation. when ure too comfortable u tend to lose sight of things. u tend to just stay in a slumber until someone smacks u in the face and force u to wake up!

once in awhile, we need to get smacked!but what do u do after u get smacked is the important part i guess!

so sha, uve been SMACKED!uve been linked to the one person u ever dread of being linked!what are u gna do about it?that;s the tough part, huh?

maybe its NOT that hard, u have the answer but its just a step ure NOT ready to take!

gaaaaaah!this sucks!

i ~heart~ you, MFZA!

I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,
But she takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,
But she makes me want to believe.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.

Well I had my ways, they were all in vain,
But she waited patiently.
It was all the same, all my pride and shame,
And she put me on my feet.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.

And when that world slows down, dear.
And when those stars burn out, here.
Oh she'll be there, yes she'll be there,
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love. love.

She is love, and she is all I need,
She is love, and she is all I need,
She is love, and she is all I need.

another note to self

u know darn well u can't keep ur mouth shut and HAVE to pour everythng out...

redirect it!redirect it your bff, redirect it to ur frens..

or redirect it HERE!

project letting sum STEAM off ready for take off!!

its therapy when u bitch bout work, its therapy when u bitch bout courts, its therapy when u bitch bout ur love hate relationship with ur workload...

u let sum steam off, then u get back to work!

easy peasy!

2000-->2010-->2020

mase kecik2 dulu, if x berangan x sah..i guess sume org pon mcm tu kan..n igt lg..tajuk karangan favourite cikgu2, 'saya sebatang pen' or the likes..n i'll always get great marks sbb cerita dgn penuh perasaan pen tu nyer pengembaraan..tambah plak ngn knowledge doraemon n dragon ball la sume en, dan citer2 little rascal n etc..so mmg adventure abis aa kisah pen tuh..

n slalu jugak..ni plak akibat citer2 cam jetson's n star wars sume..org mesti tanye if tahun da masuk 2000 camtuh,cane lah hidup kiter..mase tu, mmg da budget ade keta terbang aar sume en..takpun, skola pun wat video conference jer..xyah kena actually bgn pagi n siap2 (n for me it was more of, kna gado wit my mum sbb die da kejut 80 kali pon i tak bgn, thn kna pakse mandi, then gado sape nk gosok baju..or shud i say, sape nk gosokkan baju, then kna BEG my dad soh antar sbb i cant naik public transport sbb da lmbt..n ayat plg nyata, even until now terngiang2 is, 'cepat la sha..cepat la sha!!"hehehe..n smpai skola jer sure lmbt..so kna g kutip sampah..),so mmg looking forward gile la the day that tak yah g skola tp dok teleconference jer..

another thing yg PALING SELALU BERANGAN is that my siblings by the time i'm 20 sure da kawin n ade anak2 n kaya raya..so i msti everytime pon nk kna pilih tido umah sape, sbb sume umah besar n berkejar2 nk masukkan duit dalam my bank..sbb kaye en..n i can aski anythg n i'll get it!!fuh, best giler!!(gap kiterang jauh so agak valid la impian nie)...

tp after everythg n all that berangan, here i am..at the office..following one of my dreams of becoming a practising lawyer!not exactly the same as to how i imagined it, lk at tht time, the only lawyer i know was criminal lawyer...so berangan lak gak, wat kes2 criminal sume..hehehe..

tp smlm, my insurance agent jmpe n bg diary..diary nxt year..2010..n i was like whoa!in 2000 i was in skool, n im sure i penah asked myself where wud i be in 10 yrs time..back in skool, mase all the wawasan 2020 hype..trfikir gak, where wud i be when im 37 yrs old..

the funny thg, mase tu ie 17 yrs old..i felt gile nk pk..37..lame GILER BABI LAGI TU..but smlm i was really struck!!if i go back to sasha@17, msti lain gile!!n i seriously tak tau whether she wud be happy n proud of where i am..maybe die akan sedey that, serious aa tak kawin lg?n sure die akan terkejut n marah that she's NOT with that person (tp nk wat cane, God has other plans n sent me an even better guy), sure die akan agak bangga la whn i give her my card (cheh!), sure die gelak guling2 sbb sasha@26 da tak muat sume baju sasha@17, sure die sedey sbb NOT ALL her plans worked out n MARAH sbb she's not the traveller she wanted to be n SURE die bantai gelak guling2 lg sbb sasha@17 ade lg byk duit dari sasha@17 n happier n more relaxed n more care free..

i used to hate it when mummy nk bsg2 kate nnt msti i nyesal all the days i missed out in skool(mmg kaki ponteng) n msti i nyesal for ever wanting to grow up so fast n tak savour all the moment, n i used to hate all the teachers nk kate school days ARE the BEST days of ur life!!

but i guess mmg betol, mom knows best n dgr la ckp org2 tua..hahaha..now, terhegeh2 nk reminisce zaman2 childhood n teenage life!!i wouldnt trade it for the world but what i wd give just to get a glimpse of tht life again..

having said that, hope i'll be more appreaciative of life now as everythg is moving super fast!!n hope nxt year, i'll do a LIST of things for 2020 plak..hehehe..

judiciary -v- the bar

sebenarnya tak perlu nk succumb to it tapi ape gune nyer blog masing2 if not to say our own piece of mind..

even from before, issue being objective and/or subjective with regards to any matter is sangat essential esp when u 'angkat' diri sendiri utk memberi comment...call it constructive critism, call it being observant but at the end of the day if u want to comment or give ur perspective on things try to be objective.

personally, when i read his blog, i was taken aback as to why the attacks on lawyers?ok like she said shud be adults bout it , tp if u cant disregard the fact that if not most, some of ur frens are practicing but u can write something like this, can u expect ur frens to react differently?u say that it didnt mean tht ALL lawyers are like that and there are some, then say it like that dude...don't write something in general and then say it didnt include the whole world..

i guess for most part it was more of feeling disappointed, from where u are n if really ur intentions are noble and there is a need to gel both judiciary n private practice, what better ways than to speak or should i say turun padang with ur frens who are practicing n get their 2 cents bout it?

ok, sidetracking there..what happened was this, i read the post and got upset, n called up other friends who felt the same way and the internet being such a way that it is, ur blog isnt ur personal space, it is in terms that u wrote whatever u want on it, but once the 'publish' button is clicked, it public domain, dude..anyone can cut & paste..

the reason for the NOTE in fb was like i said, for lawyers to give their 2 cents bout it and what WE actually experience from it..i'd like to thank u for highlighting this coz if not we would never know that both ends were pointing fingers towards one another but due to diplomatic constraint, we're saying to one another, what a good job u're doing n we applaud u..

of course not all are blessed with such good fortune and have to work even harder to work their way up so kami2 yang masih junior inilah yang akan berhadapan dengan all the tedious and hours of waiting and having to come back again n again and beg for our files or docs to be ready...we r at their 'mercy', whatever that means..

and i guess a lot of those who are in practice were giving their personal experience as to wat happened..like u said, the reason for the post ws because IT ACTUALLY happened, DUDE, THE REASON FOR THE OUTLASHES, COZ WE EXPERIENCE IT!

and to say, of all people, ME? being personal to ur bride?pls, nmpak sgt u dont knw me! im not the type to cari gado n nk get personal and if u rase i did that to hurt u by hurting her, pls la..lk the judiciary NOT giving me ENOUGH work oredi..n if i did hurt her, sorry and i guess if u really portray urself as a good fren, apologise to ALL ur practicing frens for hurting them!(i dun have a reason to get personal with ur bride, dun thnk ive ever spoken to her except to congratulate both of u for being parents!)

but i do thank u for ur kind gesture for informing US that we can email straigt to CJ, coz if ape2, tht's the first add on my speed dial..

so everyone else, any cmplaints?pls direct to: cj@kehakiman.gov.my

u think its easy being a girl?

Episode yg sgt pjg bulan nie..mmg da tak larat n malas nk layan perasaan sendiri tp its not a matter of choice.it comes and it stays and ianya akan make semuanya rasa negatif and semua yang you buat will not be the end product that you want, everyone will annoy u and scold u and u get annoyed and frustrated with everything..

but if ure the moody type, org akan kate..alah, die bile yg x moody?semua pun masalah?..

but if ure the 'happy-go-lucky'(far's 'favourite' term)..hahaha..if ure the type that everythg goes...n u will always mk silly faces or a hot drink for a colleague whn its cold or she's having a bad day..n if ure the type yang, u can put a smile on anyone's face or u can smile for no apparent reason..then, when ure OUT OF IT..when ure having one of ur fits...its really OBVIOUS..n ppl expect u to snap out of it because its NOT YOU to sulk or be a pessimist..bcoz u 'change' into a different person when ure PMS-ing..then how?

i hate me when im like this and i try NOT to indulge it k..
its one of those days in a month but this month there's a few extra days jer..
but like khalid said, even if im in one of my fits, im easily pujuk-ed..so its NOT as bad as it sounds, i guess..

or for the umpteenth time..MAYBE WHAT I NEED IS A HOLIDAY THEN I'LL BE OK!!!

why ar?

finally, i cn start to breathe again..thgs has been too hectic n i thnk i forgot to breathe a few times..haha..(for most part its due to work n more work, but dun worry, am not stressing n am enjoying myself and learning a lot..won an appeal n after full trial..ok la..)

wad i dun get is what is up with my panic attacks and freaking out? there must be some logical explanation to it, nonetheless, having said that, i must ask this though..must everythg be logical?when it comes to the matters of the heart(cheh!), its never LOGIC..i'd say..

n when it comes to sasha, there's never gna be a straight answer..hahaha..

sad that i missed ucop's akad but glad i went to pd for his sanding n this weekend is ucop's n aca's sanding n im MC-ing..hpfully, the "oh ya, lupa pulak.." or script reading rendezvous are dead n gone and im gna b better at it this time..hahaha..

is it because im a lawyer, thats the ONLY reason they assume i'd be an ok MC?hhmmm...agak xde kena mngena BUT i dunno y i get to be MC whenever there's a wedding..n from the look of my 40+ cuzens that i have, i dun quite think this will be the last..hahaha..(practice makes perfect)..by the time kakak, da pro kot..hahaha...

is it coz of the age im at now, that everywhere i turn someone is either getting married or is already married n preggers or have babies and preggers wt 2nd baby or is getting engaged?or its just that season of the month or year? dunno y im fretting..either coz of jealousy ker or sbb im freaking out..?huhuhu..

maybe..just maybe..my pms streak this month is having a prob with anythg to do with commitment!hahaha

i believe...

more often than i can ever comprehend why, it is them* who wud always cnsider women such an enigma that no one can de-code except women themselves..n i guess there are more books on understanding or making the relationship better for women other than for them*..wonder why?cos on a business sense, more women wud buy the book and actually read it rather than them*..

well of coz with their machoness and ego nature, we can't expect them* to come into a book store n actually buy a book on relationship and actually read it, i dun think they'd* ever wna be caught dead reading it even on the toilet seat ;)

or prolly because its such a them* world, that they have MAKE us think that we're so incomprehensible to figure out that we'd just shut up bout ever wanting them* to ever try and figure us out..cud be ;)

having said that, what troubles me more is the fact that women can actually just,... after all the heart pouring and sharing sessions and letting steam off our chest, it all boils down to one of the few conclusions..

"THEY ARE ALL THE SAME" or there's only one in a million that would be the perfect one..(or if ure just out of a rotten relationship) u'd go, there's no such thg as a perfect one!!one of the best ive heard-->they're ALL jerks UNTIL proven otherwise :)

but if they're all the same n they're all jerks, y then do we keep whining n complaining bout them* on how insensitive or immature or incapable of showing any kinds of emotions other than their erections, y r we still with them*?are we supposed to just concede to the fact that they're all the same and as gerard butler puts it, that they're self-improvement stops at potty training!! are we supposed to just accept the fact and be content that we actually have one of them* n hope that, that one wud b THE ONE?

we need to step up!be 'man' enough to tell them* that i dunt care if its a man's world or what ever, these are the traits i want, u wna be with me, these are the things u gotta be..(of coz be ready for them* to come back to u and tell u the things that they want pulak la)...

prolly, after that, u'd realise that the idea of each other that u want is soooo vastly different than the one u have..better find that out before u go deep in the ralationship, kan?

i don't believe that we need to change just to be with each other but the sooner we accept the differences and acknolwedge that that is what is drawing us together, the better!

and i do believe that a woman falls in love sooner than men, or prolly they've fallen in love much sooner but its too scary for them to admit it or in a better word, too ego to admit, hence the expectations from women is far more earlier, wch boils down to, all the bickering and unsatisfied emotions...

but when one of them* falls truly, deeply in love with u,
they can even move mountains for you!(wishful thinking?probably not!i just know! :P )

*them/they = man and/or men

kindredness

kindredness is important to me and no matter how we irritate each other to the max, i guess i cant really say i can live without 'em. my mom is my pillar tho she lks to thnk that im toooo emotionally detached to her at the moment cz i don't spend much time wt her like i used to.

im the youngest of 4 and the gap between my sibs n i are quite far..ive always been the 'baby' in the family n being 26 n still cnsidered a 'baby', is just weird and tormenting. i can never relate to any of them and they are always more attached or closer to my cuzens than to me :(

i can never interject to any of their conversations as the flow or topic wud often make me feel lost or dis-interested and the topics that i'd like to share with them are something that they have went thru or be done with or its something that doesnt interest them.

ive always have the image that since the gap is soooo far, by the time i'm 25 or so, they'll be so friggin rich, i dun even have to bother working..hahaha..we know hw that turned out..

the other thing that always ticks me off is how im pushed n shoved into the part where im supposed to look at everyone's life and learn from it..is it NOT enough that i have my own life experiences to learn from, i have others' life to look at and de-code that aspect as well..

ya, sum myt say i'm lucky but i dont feel all that..

i believe or wud like to believe that i DO have a good head on my shoulder and i havent turned out all that bad have i?

i know everyone meant and wished nothing but the best for me but i need to live my own life too..i need to make my own mistakes and learn from it..i need to be able to spend my money how i want to, i want to go to all the places uve been to and i never got the chance to tag along...

i need to be able to have a 'troubled' young adult life instead it being the perfect one that u didnt wanna be back then..


i do not wish to repeat your mistakes and i know i'd learnt from it anyway but there's no need to think that i'm doing it on purpose and just to tick u off..


affie once showed me this -

ur loved ones are your favourite punching bag but jst knw tht this punching bag has feelings too
...(ker lain ayat die af..but tht is how i saw it..thnx babe)

i'm sorry if ive been weird ths past week..my sis have been messing with my head and i appreciate her kind gesture..i'll take the good and see what i can do with it..

motivate the de-motivated ~ME~

some say that i've been lucky for the most part of my 26 years, but i'd scoff off and say, u dun knw sh*t..but if ure going on the basis of the choices ive made and where i am now, i'd say i'm glad..

my mom wud say that i'm lucky coz i get to do what ive always wanted..i'd have to agree..

but something else pops up in my mind..n i start asking myself, is this really what i wna do, or was it cz this is the only thg i know about or i just didnt know better..

my argument is that, i used to be sooo engrossed with what i want coz i had an ambition then, n now that im actually doing it means that ive achieved my dreams..

but arent dreams supposed to be achieved when ure 50 and u can look back at life and finally say, i've done what i've been wanting to do all this years..

in a way, not everyone gets what they want so i've passed that part..

but, what is next?

I DON'T HAVE A WHAT NEXT YET..

n it has become quite apparent coz i get ppl coming up to me and ask me questions like, what drives you, what motivates you..what's ur next step..n i go blank..

i read a fren's blog n she just listed out things that she wants to do and the things she wants in life..BESTNYER..

i don't know wads keeping me from making my own list..(i had a list and it ws quite long..but my laptop got jacked so...there goes the list..i know lame excuse..)

or maybe its just because, i had life figured out and that was exactly what i wanted it to be..but now that life has taken its course and all that i had planned is gone..i just need a break..i dont want to think..i wna just do!see where it takes me..cant ke?

isnt that what life is supposed to be..see where u go..where u end up..?

i'd make a list somehow just so that i'd stay in course..

but i'd still have to figure what ticks me coz now i don't have a clue where i'm heading..