kindredness

kindredness is important to me and no matter how we irritate each other to the max, i guess i cant really say i can live without 'em. my mom is my pillar tho she lks to thnk that im toooo emotionally detached to her at the moment cz i don't spend much time wt her like i used to.

im the youngest of 4 and the gap between my sibs n i are quite far..ive always been the 'baby' in the family n being 26 n still cnsidered a 'baby', is just weird and tormenting. i can never relate to any of them and they are always more attached or closer to my cuzens than to me :(

i can never interject to any of their conversations as the flow or topic wud often make me feel lost or dis-interested and the topics that i'd like to share with them are something that they have went thru or be done with or its something that doesnt interest them.

ive always have the image that since the gap is soooo far, by the time i'm 25 or so, they'll be so friggin rich, i dun even have to bother working..hahaha..we know hw that turned out..

the other thing that always ticks me off is how im pushed n shoved into the part where im supposed to look at everyone's life and learn from it..is it NOT enough that i have my own life experiences to learn from, i have others' life to look at and de-code that aspect as well..

ya, sum myt say i'm lucky but i dont feel all that..

i believe or wud like to believe that i DO have a good head on my shoulder and i havent turned out all that bad have i?

i know everyone meant and wished nothing but the best for me but i need to live my own life too..i need to make my own mistakes and learn from it..i need to be able to spend my money how i want to, i want to go to all the places uve been to and i never got the chance to tag along...

i need to be able to have a 'troubled' young adult life instead it being the perfect one that u didnt wanna be back then..


i do not wish to repeat your mistakes and i know i'd learnt from it anyway but there's no need to think that i'm doing it on purpose and just to tick u off..


affie once showed me this -

ur loved ones are your favourite punching bag but jst knw tht this punching bag has feelings too
...(ker lain ayat die af..but tht is how i saw it..thnx babe)

i'm sorry if ive been weird ths past week..my sis have been messing with my head and i appreciate her kind gesture..i'll take the good and see what i can do with it..