ive made promises after promises to myself that i keep on breaking, i'm lost...lost for time... we've had all kinds of holidays that passed, with me not having a clue at all...for the first time i had no plans for new year...for the first time i didnt even realise it was 31st December, for the first time, life went by like it was just any other day in my life.
i've blamed it all on so many things..but i know that there is something bothering me that i can't quite put a finger to it. there's so many things to do, yet i stare blankly at things..not digesting anything. i just do, coz i have to, coz time is running out, coz i have to prepare...my mind is somewhere else..i am distracted, i am not focused..i am...LOST!
no, not blaming it on the wedding...its only 39 days away..yes, 39 days...yet, i've no clue at all how its gonna be...i've no idea..or i dont have any glimpse of whats gna happen in 39 days...is that normal? i used to dream of the day when i tie the knot..but as the day approaches...its a HUGE blank...
i hate not knowing whats gonna happen, i hate guessing what its gna b like, i hate not having control of how things are going to turn out...i hate to think that what im used to, my norms, my routine, me coming back home to my family...is not gonna be the same after 39 days from today.
i know that i want this, i know that i wna be with you, i know that i do wna get married to u, i know that it is you, no doubt!
but i hate knowing that things will change, most importantly...i know that i'm scared..i'm scared that i can't be your trophy wife, that i'll not know what to do..that i wont know what a wife is supposed to knw/do...that on top of everything...i'll fail miserably.
i need time...time to actually think n digest...
time to tell sasha lyna that she's ACTUALLY getting married...
that sasha lyna can no longer be the baby...
that sasha lyna is going to be someone's WIFE..
that sasha lyna can no longer be her lazy self,
that sasha lyna has to start being punctual,
that sasha lyna is going to have a new set of family in her life,
that sasha lyna can no longer do things spontaneously as she pleases,
that sasha lyna now has bigger responsibility,
that sasha lyna might one day be responsible for another human life,
that she is no longer 16 and thinks that she's still a school girl,
that sasha lyna can no longer sleep in her bed alone,
that sasha lyna has to make 2 sets of meals instead of 1,
that sasha lyna actually has to mandi more than 1 time a day,
that sasha lyna can no longer wear caftans to sleep,
that sasha lyna can't just say yes to every plan that comes her way,
that sasha lyna can't just book a flight whenever there's airasia promotion,
that sasha lyna can't book 1 ticket but now has to book 2 tickets.
that sasha lyna will actually have to start to listen to someone and not just herself,
that sasha lyna will have a husband!
banyak kan bernda nk bitau sasha lyna....sasha lyna is in a daze or a phase now...she's just floating and going with the flow...succumbing to everything and just bobbing her head up n down...
let's just hope i do get the chance to wake sasha lyna up from her slumber and make her come back to reality and digest all this things!
lets just hope that i do get to her before the 39 days end :)
p/s: reading this to myself makes me more SAD... i know i'm supposed to be jumping with joy...smiling to my ears and be as merry and happy as anyone can possibly be...i'm not saying i'm not, that i'm not ecstatic bout the wedding...i'm just....*blank*
p/s: reading this to myself makes me more SAD... i know i'm supposed to be jumping with joy...smiling to my ears and be as merry and happy as anyone can possibly be...i'm not saying i'm not, that i'm not ecstatic bout the wedding...i'm just....*blank*
4 comments:
sha, first of all, imho, no such thing as a trophy wife. as much as u feel the need to be his trophy wife. it SHOULD BE vice versa. remember, marriage is not about just one party. its both. communicating is essential. you'll be fine. u had blank. I broke down literally few weeks before getting married. cold feet i guess. but alhamdulillah, things are great. there is no such thing as perfect marriage and you should NEVER compare your marriage with others. just take it one step at a time and always always communicate. *hugs* =)
i agree with what shueyshoelove said. don't fret too much about it babe. it may take a while to adapt but once you get the hang of it, you'll be a pro in no time. i'm just into 1 year of my marriage yet i still have tons to learn and i am still adapting. just when i was starting to adapt to being a wife, i've to adapt to being a mother pulak. it's a never ending learning process and being a great woman that we are, things will come naturally and everything will settle into its places, eventually.
so instead of thinking too much about all these, why dont u enjoy every last bit of your singledom coz trust me bebeh, it ain't gonna be the same. it's different, but good different. take care & all the best.
hey babes :) thanks sooo much for the comments.
yea, i know i'm being too hard on myself..have never been good at adapting to new things..been in the same office for the past 6 years..hhmm...
tu la shue, am sooo glad that doss is buat2 macho n calm when i'm around him ;p
insyaAllah i'll make a point never to compare k babes...taula perempuan, bile merajuk n marah tu..sume ayat nk kuar kan..
izyan: thanks babe..yup, shud enjoyssss..my time is running out!! ;p
*hugs korang ketat2*
Sha, I'm sure you'll do fine :)
But i have to agree on kena mandi more than once n the kaftan, demn..xle nk wat kn, sedihnya...
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