trying to get with the programme

its somewhat normal that when i don't have any other place to rant..there's always my beloved sanctuary...MY BLOG! :)


i have been guilty of abandoning it BUT i do feel that it is because i have been happy :) 


there's less things to rant or bitch about AND that work has been taking a lot of my time...so i don't have time to even think of what to blog..


No, No..not complaining at all..


see, there's a different side to everything n i do feel that sometimes u just need to pin it on something...


i do feel that if i don't have work to do, a surge of useless feeling would spiral up and then depression kicks in..


so, more work = good..


less blog = good ;p


ok, enough of trying to explain myself.. ;p


there's a VERY thin line between being a spoil brat and being a go-getter..


see, i have a few things that i NEED in life..
i have a few things that i WANT in life...
but i'm not blind to see/know that you don't always get what you want..


but i absolutely hate it when i don't get what i want! 


well, life's complicated...isn't that what everyone says?


i have never got things easy..
what i want n how i get it has always been by my own accord! which means that i pay for my own bills, i pay for the things i need/want, so there's no issue of people telling me whether i should or should not get something..


oh well, is this a sign of what is to come starting next year? 
Is this THE time for me to reflect and ask again, is this what i want?


i hv often told people that there is always a way to talk things through, that there shouldn't be any time in a person's life where the decision in her life is made by another...


and i am shocked!! to hear from someone who i admire so much that...at the end of the day..in a women's life..it will come to that..


do i give up the good fight? does being able to make your own decision an act of rebellious or derhaka? 
is simply asking for a forum of proper discussion before making a decision too much to ask?


if i can reserve my decision before a proper discussion, y cant the other?


if i can go out of my way to make another happy, y cant i have the same thing?


is tolerance too much to ask?


are we still plagued by the thought of conservative thinking that women are not capable of making a sound judgment?


oh please!


food for thought! 


BUT, there's also this...


am i being too stubborn and making this more that what it actually is? 


because there's one thing that i hold sacred and hope that i will never give up, there's one thing that i will fight to keep and will do anything for its survival...


and that is my identity and my principles and my character! 


ah well, lets just hope that whatever decision that comes out of this, will not make me bitter!