Guilty..

there was this girl i 'knew' in school..she was the quiet type..she was there..but i think i didn't want to notice her..

there was this girl in school,
she was a loner,
she stood next to me,
it took me 8 years to realise that she once stood next to me.

she was in my class(i think)..i'd chuckle everytime she wanted to speak to me coz she'd fumble her words and then she'd blushed and then she would just walkaway, and i let her and my chuckled drew into an annoying rolling of the eyes.

i always silently deemed her as weird..i'd keep quiet if my frens started talking bout her..saying she is way too weird, i did not stand up for her, i did not say anything for her defence..i wouldn't acknowledge it, but i silently thot she was weird in soooo many ways.

i'd be scared if i was left alone with her(don't think anyone knew of this!), it wud mean that i wud have to say hi or something..it was way too awkward to keep silent and i just have this urge to be frenly to everyone back then, but i was terrified of this girl..

some (those couple of ppl who knew her) say she is sweet n a kind person, i know now, the problem was that i did NOT know her in anyway at all..i did not once stop and think to myself she is another person, she is another student, she might be going thru what i am going through, i did not...i merely dubbed her as weird..

there is this one period of time where i don't even remember her being in school, and i am pretty sure if i ask any of my frens bout her, they wudnt even remember her..this girl who is from my school but yet she is the weird one and i did not know her!

i can sort of remember her eyes and how it used to say, pls talk to me or just say hi or a simple nod wud do..but i can remember, i was too busy being amongst friends that i forgot this girl just wanted to have the slightest eye contact with me..

i used to read or watch series or movies about how high skool kids are just horrible toward one another and that it was such a challenge just to be in school..

and i always thot to myself, "Thank God i'm in malaysia and all that only happens in the U.S"...

i felt bad for the kids who were being bullied becoz they didnt fit in, i felt bad for those who actually felt that suicide was a better option that going to high school and how cruel a person can be towards one another..

today , i have been reminded of myself..
today i had a flashback..
today i remembered those eyes...

and today is the day for me to say,
forgive me!i'm sorry if i ever in a million years hurt you..
sorry if i made u feel bad when we were in school..
sorry i didnt say hi back to ya...
n i am really happy to know that u r fine now!!

karma is a bitch!
i saw ur boyfren and he is cute n that u r happy with him, i am happy for u..but i wudnt mind if u feel a bit happier if u knew that i dun feel one bit of happiness as u are feeling now!!